Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Empty Arms

I have been reading so many blog posts lately of my internet waiting friends logged in from January to March who are starting to lose all hope. I can't help but cry when I read their posts. I feel their pain. I am right there with them. Wondering if our dream to become parents will ever become a reality. We wait and we wait, but what are we waiting for? Will this wait ever end? Will something happen before our wait is over preventing us from becoming parents? I have seen Guatemala adoptions become unsecure. I have seen Ukraine adoptions put on hold for months. I have seen domestic adoptions fail. Why is it so difficult for loving families to see their dreams become a reality? And so I sit and wonder. I wonder what I have done in my life to deserve this. All the pain I have been through. All the pain my friends have been through. For what? Why can't our lives be easy like it is for so many? Why can crack addicts and alcoholics so easily have children while those of us who are able to provide for a child are left in the dark with empty cradles and empty arms? There are many things in my life I do not understand. But this tops them all. I am thinking of all of you today and every day. I am hoping that 2007 gives us the hope and joy that we have put all our faith into. What we have prayed for and what we have dreamed of. I am hoping that 2007 makes us all mommy's and daddy's finally. That our arms are no longer empty and our hearts are finally full. I hope that we can feel content with our lives and feel good about waking up each day. I hope that we can go to bed with a smile on our faces and a glow in our eyes. I hope this for you because I cherish my internet friends.
*hugs*
Sara

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

I know that words of comfort offered from a complete stranger won't be EXACTLY what you are looking for right now, but I just wanted you to know that I remember well the pain of waiting. It is the hardest thing I have ever done, it sucks, it is unfair, and it doesn't make any sense at all. However, you WILL get thru it, and you WILL be a mom at the end. Hang in there.

Diana & Dad said...

Hang in there Sara (& Brian) we are praying for you and hoping your dreams come true as you enter this new year.

Anonymous said...

All I can tell you is when you are finally there in China, all this waiting will seem like a distant memory! It is so sad that the wait is so long right now. I think it will pick up again. However....this IS your year to bring Mia Lin home! :) Hang in there!

Kramer said...

Sara,
My prayers are with you. Everything you have written is how I am feeling. When we finally decided to go to China I thought surely things would be more straight forward than all the disappointments of the miscarriages and Ukraine. Our heart and yours have been broken way too many times. As down as I feel now I still have hope that we will bring Emma and Mia home this year. Hang in there! I'm here if you need to talk.

Anonymous said...

This is your year. It will happen. Mia will be matched with you. Once you see her and have your arms wrapped around her it all will become just a memory. It is painful, nerve-racking, frustrating and scary but you are getting closer eveytime referrals are sent out. I am hoping that they pick up the pace in China - Hang in there. You will be a mommy at the end of all the craziness.

redmaryjanes said...

I have read posts like yours and feel that I have no right to respond because I do have children.
But I want you to know that my heart goes out to you. Please hang in there and do not lose hope. You will have a daughter from China. She will come. I saw a little girl yesterday with her new Mom who came back from China 2 weeks ago. She was so beautiful. Her mother told me to not give up and that it was worth everything that she went through.

seventhdiamond.blogspot.com

Doris & Dan Clark said...

I hear ya and thank you for sharing this. You are so sweet and I really am blessed to share this long wait with others who get it.

Perhaps foolishly I hold out hope that it is this year. My arms are aching from the absence.

Though..you gotta get outta my head and quit reading my thoughts! LOL

Keep smilin!

Valeri said...

I'm going to become a crystal meth addict so I can get pregnant!!! I bet I'd be pregnant in a month's time!!!!

Valeri said...

Now I hope no one is taking me seriously with my previous post! LOL

Lee-Anne said...

I hear ya, Luv. All those why questions have gone through my head a thousand times as well. I guess, my conclusion is, it's our lot in life. And all we can do, is make the best of what we're dealt. And you are. You are following your dream, and WILL one day, hold that dream in your arms. While our files are in China, we have hope.

Anonymous said...

Hi,
I followed over from Waala blog. I am feeling just like you are right now. We are almost DTC will be LID end of Jan early Feb 07. A year after you. Our wait looks like 3 or more years. I just send you a big hug. You will get thru this. But waiting is hard. Just let life flow and enjoy the journey. One day soon you will hold your baby and this will seem like a long ago dream. I need to take my own advice, I have a long haul ahead of us. Take care.
Lisa

Kim said...

I know its hard but having great people to wait with has made it so much easier. We have sunny child filled days ahead of us, we are more than half way there:)

Anonymous said...

That was a heartfelt post and I know your heart was crying when you wrote it. Yep - this has been one looong road. I feel bad for me waiting as long - but then I think of my many friends who are logged in even later and my heart breaks. We can only try to believe that there will be a little speed up and will all be matched with our forever babies. Hang on... Sending a hug over.