Monday, March 16, 2009

Lessons on Attachment

Today we learned a hard lesson. I went with a new friend to get a 90 minute foot and back massage ($10!!! a the Chinese Medical Science Massage place -- down the street --west-- from the old Victory hotel at the Northwest corner of Shamian Island the name is in blue neon lights over the door with red chinese lanterns around the door -- you gotta try it!!!) and left Mia with Brian. I really really enjoyed my time away for a bit. When I got back Brian told me that Mia had majorly cried her little head off the whole time. He was trying to get a hold of me, trying to comfort her, nothing was working. He said she was crying so hard her whole little body was red. I felt absolutely horrible. I guess she is more attached to me than I thought already. Good to know but I felt really bad for Brian. I know it is normal for them to attach to one parent more quickly than the other but I really feel badly for him right now. When I got back to the room he had just gotten her to sleep. She woke up shortly after and was definitely glad to see her MaMa. I love that she has attached to me already but I wish Brian could feel the same. She does go to him and is fine and laughs with him but not when she is tired or hungry!
Attachment is definitely a learning process. Even if you have read every book on it you never know how your child is going to respond until you are in the midst of it. You just do the best you can in the situation you are in to comfort them and make them feel safe. Mia has started not wanting to go to sleep. She fights it every step of the way. She will fall asleep on my shoulder and then when I place her ever so gently in her crib she starts crying. I can't just leave her there to cry herself to sleep because I want her to know there is someone there for her when she is sad or scared. But after a while it really starts to wear on you! She will eventually fall deeply enough asleep that you can lay her down but it has been taking a while. She is also self soothing by sucking on her shirt or my shirt for comfort.
This little girl has me wrapped around her little finger already. Her little one sided smile and soft giggles melt my heart a thousand times over. She truly is a sweet sweet baby. If waiting three years gets me this I would do it again in a heartbeat. She is truly a gift from heaven!

Here are some pictures from today. The first one is actually the "fireworks" (incense) stores I was telling you about in the last post. Don't they look like fireworks?
The 2nd one is Mia rubbing the Buddha belly at the porcelain factory.
3rd is Mia playing in the White Swan Room (Mattel play room)
4th is Mia looking at the koi at the White Swan Hotel.


Jaymie said...

She is gorgeous! I'm sure she'll come around for daddy in her own time!

Valeri said...

Jensen was very attached to Ron for the first couple of months. It about broke my heart that he favored Ron!! I know how Brian feels, trust me!!!!

Mama Duck said...

Mia will definitely come around with her dad--fear not! She is just such a little beauty! I'm so happy for you all!

Ron said...

Nice pics! Jensen was very attached to me for awhile. Things will change, but it needs time.

Anonymous said...

You guys are doing great....really you both are wonderful!
What I've found w/Lola is one day we take 5 steps forward, then next day, 4 steps back, then 3 steps forward, 1 step back, and so on.
Loved your company yesterday :)

Jen said...

Our daughter also attached to me first, and is still a mama's girl a few weeks after gotcha day. However, yesterday, daddy got the first two kisses from her, and I still haven't had any - not the drooly mouth on my forhead kind anyway. Also, she now will look for him if he walks away and go to him from me a little better! Time does help.

Our baby has grown attached to any white burp cloth that we have on hand. Once she has that, she starts kneading it, puts her thumb in her mouth, and starts getting sleepy - if you're holding her that is. You might try that in order to save your shirt! :0) We were told they put her to sleep in her crib with a towel. Maybe your baby was put down that was as well.

I'm loving reading about your journey. Thanks for sharing it!

-Jen, new mama to Emma from Guangxi province

Lisa and Len said...

I was so touched by your comment "If waiting three years gets me this I would do it again in a heartbeat." We are 2 years into our wait for our China baby and 1 year into a wait for a baby from Nepal (which we thought would NOT take this long...however). Thanks for letting those of us still waiting share in your story and see that the other side is worth sitting on this side for a little longer.

Anonymous said...


It is great reading all about Mia!!! Hey the HS position at New Bloomfield opened up. I applied.

Suzanne Lackman

Ava Baby said...

Congratulations!! Mia is SOOOO adorable! She looks so kissable! Enjoy your trip- it goes by so fast!