Today is my daughter's 4th birthday. Maybe I am just being sappy. but my new husband asks me this morning why I am crying uncontrollably... This morning, Mia jumped into bed with us early and fell back asleep. At one point she looked up at me with her big almost black eyes and said "Mama, I love you so much!" and fell back asleep. I sat there staring at her beautiful black hair and olive complexion with a very full heart. This little precious bundle was given to me. I feel so very blessed beyond words to be her Mama and I wear that nametag like a medal of honor (God knows the fight I went through to get that medal!). But this day always brings mixed emotions to me. I think of all she has been given in her life, but at the same time, all she has lost. Her culture, her birth country, her birth family... Do they think of her today? What is a birthday but a celebration of your birth. Most biological mothers I know celebrate the birth of their child on their birthday. They reminisce about the day they were born, giving birth to their child. I don't have those memories with my daughter. Which is why families who adopt celebrate their "gotcha day" -hard for some to understand who haven't adopted... but to me THAT is her birthday. That is the day I remember that sweet precious bundle being placed in my arms. What a beautiful moment THAT was!!!! Her birthday is special to me, don't get me wrong. But it brings so many mixed emotions. Is it really even her real birthday? It's the day China officials estimated she was born. It could have been yesterday for all I know. But in the spirit of it all, I will put on my happy face for my daughter and rejoice in the beauty of who she is and that someone out there in the huge country of China was selfless enough to give her life. I wish I could meet that woman one day and let her know how very thankful of her I am. Without her strength I wouldn't have my precious Mia today. This little girl means the world to me. I don't think she quite knows that yet, maybe she will never really understand the depth of my love for her, especially when she is a teenager I've heard, but I can't imagine a love any deeper than what I feel for her. She was not born from my tummy, but she sure was born and captured in my heart forever. In China everyone said she was a lucky girl.... In reality I am also the lucky one! I love you Mia!