Friday, November 10, 2006

Sucky Day!

Today is a sucky ass day. I hate that it is dark when you wake up and dark when you get home. So depressing. Which adds to my depression which is starting to become a dark shadow over my freakaing head. No actually that cloud has already formed. It's big and black with a dark purple lining. And I am pretty sure I saw some lightning bolts shooting from it this morning.

With thoughts that we may not travel to China until next fall or later looming. I find it very difficult to wake up most days. With the winter months, Thanksgiving and Christmas, coming I am sure that will become even more difficult. I am not looking forward to Christmas at all this year. Not one bit. I just can't find that Christmas Joy in my heart. It is gone.

And do you know what really sucks? Why is it that adoption costs so damn much? Because even if we wanted to adopt another child in the mean time to fill this hole in my heart so that I can be mentally stable when I travel to China to pick up Mia, we can't because our whole savings is set aside for going to China to get Mia. Why do people think that they have to get rich off of other people's misery??? A domestic adoption now-a-days is running $15-20,000. Are people aware of this? Why is it that people on welfare can have children left and right and get PAID to HAVE THEM, but the people who have actually done something good with their life who just happen to be infertile must pay 20 f*cking thousand dollars for their child? This is so WRONG! and it makes me p*ssed as h*ll. And I don't care who I just offended.

If you are a high school senior right now trying to figure out what field you want to go into. Here is an option: 1) attorney - then focus on adoption cases, or 2) Adoption Agent/Facilitator

I guarantee you will make good money! That is if you can stomach robbing people blind while they are at their lowest. Then kicking them in the head while they are down! Yeah - if you can handle that then go for it!!!!!!

You wonder why so many children are in the foster care system today? It is because it is so freaking expensive to adopt a child!!! Who wants to go broke adopting a child and then never be able to give them the life they deserve because, "I'm sorry sweetie. We spent all our money when we bought YOU!" Yes, buying a child is illegal, but isn't that what we are doing? Oh, wait. We are just paying fees......Yeah, if I were an attorney, I could find a way to chalk up anything as a freaking fee. Or I could pad my fees to make it look like all that money is fees, when we know that it is really just money in the pocket! yes, folks, the rich get richer. And the good people in this world go down the f*cking hole!

I hope I don't fall off my rope today! I think I need to change my cheery blog to black with thunderclouds as my header. I am just pissed off at the world (China, the US, and Iraq included) and rainbows and unicorns (or cupcakes and cotton candy as my husband said last night) are not in the picture right now.

Thanks for reading. I hope I didn't ruin your day too! Sorry if I did! I don't want anyone else dangling at the end of my rope with me! It may snap!

Here is a Maxine comic for my last post!


Ron said...

I agree with you!

Tracee said...

Amen Sister! Peace be with you...take a deep breath, close your eyes and dream of your dear sweet babe.

Chris and Greg said...

I hear you! I can't relate, but I hear your pain. Sometimes there are times when we just have to give into the depression. It's so strong that it just sucks you in. You know what? Give in!!! Then, tomorrow or the next day or next week or next month . . . you'll be that much closer to holding that precious little one in your arms.

Mom-of-5 said...

Alright...I hear you. does suck. The only great thing is someday it will happen!! I really wish it would be sooner than later...things gotta speed up or at least level off. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you.
I think you need to indulge in chocolate, wine, a massage, good movie...or better yet all of the above. I'm feeling your pain. I'm off to grab a chocolate bar.

Cindy said...

I agree whole heartedly! I know exactly the way you feel and I'm right there with you honey!

Anonymous said...

Yup. Me too. Sorry for the sucky day.

Shannon said...

And don't let the sucky infertility docs driving luxury cars paid for by our pain off the hook either. Or the friggin insurance companies who decided having children is a luxury and don't cover treatments since its not medically necessary.

The wait is wearing me down at times too. :( Hope we get cotton candy and rainbows soon.

Valeri said...

(((HUGS))) Trust me, I know eaxctly what you're going through! It kills me every time when I hear about stupid white trash girls getting knocked up left and right at my school. I would sell a kidney to have a child while these morons can just pop out children left and right. It's so hard being positive in this adoption wait. Please know you can e-mail me any time you want if you need to vent. I truly don't "get" life sometimes either. What did we do to deserve such rotten luck???

Doris & Dan Clark said...

Hope the forecast is sunnier! It sucks...I hear ya and agree. On all points. We will make it!

Keep smilin!

Dawn and Dale said...

I LOVE it when people blog about what is REALLY going on!!!!!

It's your away...don't worry about what ANYONE else thinks!!

Guranteed someone is being blessed by your post and can relate!

Thanks for your honesty!

This really does suck! And sometimes that just needs to be said outloud!! ;)

Anonymous said...

I agree with you.

( ( ( Hugs ) ) )


Kim said...

Your right it sucks!! Thanks for saying what most of us are feeling out loud!!!!!