Tuesday, December 19, 2006



*sigh* This is so hard.

And to my "Anonymous" poster who appears to be worth more in the eyes of God than I ...kiss off. Don't even post another message on my blog about this (or at all for that matter). Don't tell me that God is waiting for me to put him first before he gives me a child. Whatever. Yes, you said it, my emotions are raw. They are raw and bloody and it hurts. But there are people logged in to China the same day as me and they may be holier than thou, but you know what....they are going to get their baby the same time as me!!! Because with China you take your ticket in line and you wait for your baby. It has nothing to do with God and what His plan is for me or for anyone else. If you don't like what I have to say or my philosophy on life - go read someone else's blog. Don't waste your prayers on me! I have enough people who care about me (and who know when to just smile and let me stand on my soap box) who are praying for me!

ugh. It's a really shitty day!


Doris & Dan Clark said...

9 down! Small victory!

I wish I could give you a big hug and smack the anon. poster.

I am having a weird emotional day (posting on it later).

I wish I had the magic words to make you feel better but I don't. Just know that you are not alone in this journey and there are others who feel the same. Day by day we will make it!

Keep smilin!

Valeri said...

Crappy day here, too.... I'm glad you spoke up and expressed your true feelings. It's YOUR blog and you have the right to express YOUR feelings. People who feel a need to belittle your feelings aren't as Christian as they claim to be. Trust me, I know EXACTLY how you feel. The pain and jealousy are overwhelming. Please know that I am always here for you in true IFS sisterhood!!!

Kim said...

It is a crappy day! I've been having a crappy weej!!! You aren't the only one feeling it. I just keep hanging on by a thread. One big cyber ((HUG)) to you!

Lisa and Doug said...

My husband and I went down infertilty road for over 4 years until we finally decided to adopt from China. And now we are still waiting for our baby with a November 3 (2005) LID.

I cannot tell you how unbelieveably angry I used to get (and sometimes I still have my moments) every time I heard someone got pregnant so easily as I filled my body with drugs and hormones trying to accomplish the same task. If someone has never experienced infertility, he/she has no idea how it feels. After almost six years of wanting a baby, I almost laugh now when I hear that someone is having a third baby as I still wait for one!

I completely understand what it feels like to yearn for a baby every single day. Try to hang in there and you are in my thoughts.


Heather C. said...

Wish I could hunt down that anon poster for you and *itch slap them. Yes I know not very Christian like for the Holiday season but that was totally....well crap. Been a crappy week here too and it just keeps getting better, and just think my family hasn't even started to arrive yet..FUN FUN FUN
Luv ya & Hugs

Anonymous said...

Okay, you told me to not bother to post again and I promise I will never again. I had to post to apologize though. Yes, apologize. I had a marketing teacher in high school who would always say that the most important sentence anyone could ever utter is "I admit I made a mistake." My husband often says " Never assume anything". Having said that I would like to apologize for assuming that you and I "believe" the same way religiously. Your blog is beautiful with your scripture quotes and the beautiful song that you had before you replaced it with Mariah. You are right, people believe in differant ways and that is their perrogative. I am a Christian but I do not shove my beliefs down peoples throats. I will however tell them how He rescued me from depression not once, but twice and how he keeps me sane everyday. I am not perfect by any standard. I do not think I am holier than anyone. I am forgiven. Thats all. I make mistakes daily and have to get on my knees and ask forgivness for them and I sometimes (just like right now)have to go to someone and apologize for a wrong I have done. I apologize for just me however. I still believe that God is the only way to true happiness as evidenced in my own live. What you do with this info is up to you. Trust me when I say that I did not mean harm when I said the things on my last post. I only found your blog because I have been reseaching all types of adoption because my husband and I are very interested in adopting ourselves. I wish you the best of luck in your adoption and I hope your baby girl is in your arms soon!


Kristine and Shawn said...

You rock!!! Love that message to the Anonymous poster. It alwasy gets me that they don't leave their names so you can't reply. Sorry about all the babes around you :( I know your pain. Love the song too (Christmas Vacation soundtrack I do believe!!)

new girl said...

It really is hard, isn't it? I'm sorry things are so shitty and that you've had to wait too freakin' long.


new girl said...

(Sorry to be redundant and leave my blog address too -- I'm in the middle of switching to new blogger and I can never tell if my link is going to show up with my name or not.)

Teri said...

Kudos to you for standing up for yourself and to your anonymous commentor for admitting fault. None of us should get "too big for our britches" when it comes our spiritual values.
Our God is everyone's God regardless how each of us practice. From the strict southern Baptist to even us "beer drinkin', bingo playin' Catholics!"
(That woud be my bunch and me.)